I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize