Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
