Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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