he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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