I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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