I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
