Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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