Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
