dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
