I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
