I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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