i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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