I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
