I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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