I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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