tell your sister to shave her snatch
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
