Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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