I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
