Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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