Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
