I will die if light touches me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize