Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
