I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
