I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
