cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
