they need to just BURY HIM!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
