At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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