so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
