This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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