I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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