On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
