Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
