I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
