Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
