so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
