Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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