She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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