On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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