I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
