no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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