omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
