im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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