i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We got so high we made milksteak
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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