kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My feet surprised me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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