P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The adults are the big ones right?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
