Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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