That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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