I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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