a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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