I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
