If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
