I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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