I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and she was petting her beer can
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
