yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
