i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
