So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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