I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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