I'm really into asian looking animals
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
