Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
