I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
