Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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