I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.