Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
