I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
