I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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