He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
