try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
