i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
