if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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