I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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