do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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