True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
