I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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