i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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