I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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