Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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